TV's least inspring ad...

TV commercials are supposed to inspire us, to give us a glimpse at a life we wish we had, and to convince us that purchasing particular products will make our lives better. But one ad makes this writer relieved to be living in the real world, a world in which I can sleep in on Saturdays and fulfil such basic human needs as finishing a shower and eating a meal…

The opening shot is a shower-head flowing with nice, steaming water, while a young man is having a relaxing scrub. A soothing voiceover asks “do you see Saturday as a chance to slow everything down”. Yes we do, Mr. Voiceover, oh god yes. Then without warning the water is turned off. The man, caked in suds, frowns in confusion. The shower curtain swings open (privacy be damned) and the man’s partner (having turned off the water) throws a towel at him. “Or [are Saturdays] a chance to get everything moving” the voiceover continues, as the young man gets dressed while walking down the stairs, and then attempts to eat breakfast while his partner snatches away his coffee and plate.

“At Ulster Bank, our customers told us that time really matters to them,” Mr. Voiceover purrs, as the lady prevents her partner from so much as glancing at a shop window before he’s grabbed by the arm and dragged down the street. She bounds to the bank branch and tugs impatiently and ineffectually at the door (all of this is taking place on a Saturday, remember), before her partner calmly opens the door beside it and swings it open. After their Saturday bank visit they’re seen walking into town, and the woman hits her partner over the head with a newspaper like he’s a disobedient dog.

The men-are-morons ad genre is a prolific one – try watching a commercial break that doesn’t contain a man who can’t make a dinner, find a restaurant or make it to lunch without running through a pond (all real examples) but this writer is not sure what the bank ad is supposed to be saying. “Control your finances like you control your man,” perhaps. Or “gosh, isn’t it funny how different men are from women?” Ads that paint men as idiots and women as their nagging carers do neither gender any favours, but at least this particular bank commercial serves one purpose; it makes me grateful that I can enjoy my Saturdays in peace.